Relationship Therapist Q&A: How Is Social Media Affecting Your Relationship?
Kathleen Maiman • January 23, 2020
Let’s face it—we all use social media in some form. Avoiding social media is one of the biggest challenges we face in 2020. But have you ever stopped to think about how social media is affecting your relationships?
As a relationship therapist that specializes in couples counseling, I’ve seen how social media affects relationships. We all know it can have adverse effects on our self-esteem, on how we value ourselves, and how we perceive happiness in both our lives and in those around us.
How often have you viewed your friends and assumed they are living perfect lives based on what they share on social media? We all make these upward and downward comparisons because that’s how social media works.
The truth is—this happens all the time—and it’s incredibly dangerous to both our mental health and relationships.
Social media can be a useful tool for connecting with friends and family, but like anything in life, moderation is key, and you need to understand how social media affects you, your relationships, and your life in general.
The Core Problems With Social Media
Social media is an echo chamber that often creates the false illusion that everyone is doing better than you.
After all, your friends are smiling in every picture—their families look so happy, they bought that new car, and everything seems great. But what these people don’t share is the bad moments in life: the everyday struggles, the minor fights, the larger problems in their lives, and more.
Another issue is the permanence of everything we post. Social media may be a fun and engaging environment for many, but for some, it can lead to lost opportunities and termination from their jobs. Everything you say on social media is permanent, even if you delete it. Potential employers, your current spouse, or a future loved one can see everything you’ve ever posted since joining.
One 2013 study
found that higher Facebook usage led to negative relationship outcomes. Whatever your thoughts are on social media, there’s no denying that it does impact our relationships significantly.
How Does Social Media Affect Our Relationships?
- It Reminds You of Your Past Relationships. Your social media profiles keep you connected to past relationships. You can clearly see everything an ex is doing, which can lead to feelings of jealousy and a general sense of unfulfillment. Comparing yourself to an ex can make your current partner feel unloved and strain your relationship.
- Highlights Your Undesirable Behaviors. Breakups and challenges in your relationship aren’t easy to navigate. Relationships are complex, emotions can flare up, and it’s normal to get lost in your feelings. Social media exacerbates this problem by keeping a record of our behaviors and interactions when we’re at our worst.
- We Lose Focus on Real Life. Everyone wants to appear to be living that perfect life. But that perfect life isn’t realistic and often isn’t obtainable. A successful relationship requires both individuals to work on the relationship where it matters most—in real life. There is nothing wrong with posting the occasional photo or story, but it should never come at the expense of your partner or the relationship.
- It Blurs the Boundaries of Acceptable and Unacceptable. Humans desire to be loved and accepted. We love gratification and acceptance because it makes us feel good. It’s not uncommon for us to post humiliating pictures and videos of friends and family in an effort to obtain likes, shares, and other forms of validation. However, this type of behavior is detrimental to our relationships and can hurt those we love the most.
- It’s Really Addictive. Keeping tabs on all our friends and what’s going on in their lives is addicting. It’s the same reason why reality TV is a popular genre. Your relationships can suffer when you spend all of your time browsing social media instead of interacting with your partner.
What’s the Solution to Social Media Toxicity in Your Relationships?
The easiest solution is to disconnect—but that’s not always realistic. Like anything, you need to learn balance. Social media can exist in your relationship. However, you need to set clear boundaries, communicate with your partner, and respect the boundaries that you set.
Communication is the key to any relationship. Through effective communication comes compromise, and through compromise comes the solution.
Are you and your partner struggling in your relationship because of social media? Kathleen Maiman is a registered psychotherapist and certified Imago Relationship therapist who provides individual and couples counseling and specialized relationship retreats.
Contact Kathleen today by calling 403-809-8282 if you’re looking for clarity in your relationship and want to develop a positive framework for approaching and overcoming many of life’s obstacles.
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