How to Find Power Balance in Your Relationship
Kathleen Maiman • February 10, 2020
A common reason why many people seek couples counseling
is the all too common power imbalance that exists in many relationships.
Power imbalances in relationships are surprisingly common. Balanced relationships are all about give and take. If one member of a couple feels they are giving too much, resentment can begin to fester, and tensions within the relationship can begin to rise.
This article will help you identify an unhealthy power dynamic and give you some advice on how to tackle it in a constructive way, whether that’s through self-reflection, compromise, or couples counseling.
Understanding the Importance of Gender
If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, it’s likely that the man in the relationship will wield more power. This is because social conventions teach us that this imbalanced version of a relationship is the correct version.
Even if the man in the relationship doesn’t believe that a woman’s place is “in the kitchen” or “with the children,” the convention is deeply ingrained in most people’s minds. This can often result in a power imbalance that follows the traditional housewife structure.
Identifying an Unhealthy Dynamic in Your Relationship
If you’re concerned that your relationship has become imbalanced and unhealthy, look out for these warning signs.
You Feel the Need to Please
Many people who assume the subordinate role within a relationship will constantly feel the need to please their other half. You may find yourself going out of your way to do them favours, or to keep them happy throughout the day.
While pleasing and helping your partner is a wonderful, healthy practice, it only works when your partner returns the favour. If you find yourself trying to please your partner in the hopes that your efforts will one day be noticed and appreciated, you may be operating within an unhealthy dynamic.
You Sense a Lack of Respect
If your partner mocks or ridicules your hobbies, friends, or ideas, this is a sign your partner doesn’t respect you. A lack of respect in a relationship is incredibly dangerous, as it can lead to a dynamic that isn’t normal.
When you don’t feel respected, you will not be able to communicate openly with your partner. Resentment and tension will gradually increase in the relationship until you reach an inevitable breaking point.
You Are Working Harder
If you feel that your workload around the house is much greater than your partner’s, ask yourself how this pattern has developed. If your partner has assigned you with too many chores or tasks, he or she may be inadvertently placing you in a subordinate role.
The role of work involves both partners. Both the primary breadwinner and the supportive spouse play important roles in maintaining a healthy balance in a relationship. It’s common for the supporting partner to feel frustrated when the primary breadwinner fails to do their part around the home.
A healthy relationship requires teamwork and communication, and this means accepting that both roles are challenging, that both individuals are valuable, and finding a suitable way to compromise and understand each other.
Changing the Power Dynamic of Your Relationship
If you’re concerned about the power dynamic in your relationship, it’s crucial that you take steps to solve this issue. Many people make the mistake of ignoring the fact that their relationship dynamic is unhealthy, hoping that it will rebalance by itself.
The only real solution to an imbalance in a relationship is communication. It’s possible that your partner is unaware of how you feel. Broach the subject calmly and provide some examples of how his or her actions have made you feel subordinate.
Try not to play the blame game. Think of instances when you should have spoken up in the past. Take ownership of the ways in which your actions have also contributed to your current dynamic.
Be sure to listen to your partner's feelings about the dynamic. Try to see things from their perspective, and you will have a greater understanding of how this dynamic was formed in the first place.
Love of Attraction Couples Counseling: Start Your Transformation Today
Is your relationship in need of some rebalancing? My couples counseling program is designed to help you understand the strengths or weaknesses of your relationship through an empathetic approach.
Kathleen Maiman is a registered psychotherapist and a certified Imago relationship therapist. Contact her today by calling 403-809-8282
to learn how you can save your relationship.
Register for our Newsletter and receive a Free Love Chat Package
This Package Includes
- The 5 Steps to a Better Relationship
- Ongoing Monthly Relationship Tips
- If you want more love in your life, our relationship Love Chat Package is an easy cost-free first step.
Here is the hard truth: talking about the problem is not the same as changing the pattern. In Relational Life Therapy (RLT), we recognize that insight is cheap; change is what matters.
In Relational Life Therapy , growth is not treated as a finish line. Relationships are living systems, which means they are always changing, always asking for attention, and always inviting us to learn something new about ourselves and each other. The idea that a couple can “arrive” at a permanently easy, conflict-free place is one of the most common myths about love. In reality, healthy relationships are not built on perfection; they are built on ongoing awareness, accountability, and repair. RLT emphasizes directness, personal responsibility, and lasting change rather than the fantasy of getting everything right once and for all. A relationship is not a problem to solve and then file away. It is a practice, and like any meaningful practice, it deepens over time. Partners will keep meeting new versions of each other as life changes, stress rises and falls, and old patterns get triggered in fresh ways. That is why RLT focuses on identifying repeating “dances” between partners, such as pursuing and distancing, criticizing and defending, or over-functioning and under-functioning. These patterns do not disappear because a couple has been together for a long time; they simply become more visible when life places pressure on the bond.
Healthy communication is the foundation of every lasting relationship. Yet many couples find themselves feeling misunderstood or stuck in recurring arguments, not because they lack love, but because they haven’t learned the “rules of engagement” that make conversations effective. At my couples therapy practice in Calgary, I often describe communication as a shared journey: much like driving a car together. When both partners understand the “rules of the road,” they navigate challenges with greater ease, awareness, and respect.
There are many highlights with the 2026 Olympics in Milan this winter. One of my favourites is the Ice Dancing Pairs. Watching them pursue the Olympic gold as a couple is breathtaking to watch. They are two people gliding across the ice as if they share one heartbeat. Every lift, every turn, every daring leap relies on
Every February, couples across the world brace themselves for Valentine's Day, sometimes with excitement, sometimes with dread. While the day can invite sweetness and connection, it can also stir up pressure, disappointment, or quiet resentment. As a couple’s therapist, I often see Valentine’s Day magnify whatever is already humming beneath the surface of a relationship: intimacy, disconnection, hope, or longing.
Ever walk away from a talk feeling more alone? Discover the 3 silent conversation killers—and the simple, heart-centered shifts that turn "fixing" into "feeling."
Every couple has a core conflict dynamic, a recurring emotional negative dance that shapes how fights unfold, no matter the trigger. It's not about who’s factually correct; it’s about the unmet needs humming beneath the words.
The holidays can bring out the best and the worst in us. Between travel plans, family expectations, and endless to-do lists, even deeply connected couples and individuals can feel stretched thin. While this season promises joy and closeness, it also tests patience, communication, and self-care. Taking it easy—both with yourself and your partner and loved ones —can make all the difference.
Money fights aren’t about dollars—they’re about emotions. Learn how couples can turn financial tension into deeper trust and partnership.
Instead of trying to "fix" your partner or stop fights, shift your focus to growth. Learn how a growth mindset deepens intimacy, builds empathy, and creates lasting change.
