How Committed Are You: When Is It Right to Leave a Relationship?

Relationships are never easy. There’s the good times, the bad times, and a whole range of other times.

But the toughest question to ask yourself is: when is it right to leave a relationship?

This is one of the toughest questions to ask since it often leads to more questions, such as:

• Are you focusing on getting your needs met instead of what your relationship needs? 
• Are you stepping outside of your comfort zone and seeking attention elsewhere?
• Are you focusing on the things that you don’t like versus the bigger purpose and bigger picture of your relationship? 
• Are you staying because of obligation and duty and staying in a difficult relationship versus looking deeper into yourselves and each other?

Relationships are complicated in nature, and require a sensible approach that focuses on the individual, the other, and the dynamics of compromise that must exist between two partners.

When it comes to leaving a relationship, it’s important to understand the main reasons why someone may leave. 

1. You Feel Obligated to Stay

People are more likely to stay in relationships that they’ve already invested in. This is similar to an investment principle known as the sunk cost effect, which dictates that a prior investment will lead to ongoing investment. In the context of a relationship, prior investment can translate to time, money, or effort spent to fulfill your current partner. 

Sometimes investing in a relationship isn’t enough, especially if your partner is unable or unwilling to fulfill your needs in return. Focus on the future rather than the past—ask yourself whether this relationship is worth more time, more money, or more effort. 

Relationships can hit rough patches, that’s part of life. Still, you must ask yourself if this relationship can still meet your needs. If it can, compromise may be the answer.

2. You're Seeking Fulfilment From Others

Fulfilment can be emotional or physical—or both. When you’re suddenly faced with good news, such as a promotion, or bad news, like a family emergency, who’s the first person you want to talk to? Do you find yourself turning to close friends or a “work wife” or “work husband” rather than your partner? 

If either you or your partner is seeking emotional or physical fulfillment from other people, it’s safe to say the relationship is over. In a healthy, fulfilling relationship, both partners should feel supported both emotionally and physically. 

Do you find yourself seeking attention at work, looking for a “work spouse?” This isn’t uncommon and may indicate that your needs aren’t being met.

3. You Don't Have the Same Connection With Your Partner

Human beings are complicated. You can love someone you may not be compatible with. But being in a relationship with someone you don’t connect with makes it more difficult to stay together over the long-term. 

While all couples have disagreements, people in compassionate, loving, and healthy relationships feel, fundamentally, as if they’re friends with the person they’re trying to work things out with. If you don’t like your partner, getting through things becomes nearly impossible. 

Are you too focused on what you don’t like and losing sight of the bigger picture of the relationship itself?

4. Your Needs Aren’t Being Met

Your needs are important. Whether those needs involve quality time, open communication, or equal division of household responsibilities, being in a healthy and loving relationship means listening to your partner and trying harder to fulfill their needs. 

When one partner feels as if their needs aren’t being met, and communicating those needs is met with resistance or indifference, it might be time to move on. 

Do you find yourself staying without looking deeper into yourself and your partner? Relationships require two people, and communication plays an essential role when it comes to clarity and understanding.

Take Steps Toward a Happier and Healthier Relationship

Are you finding it difficult to work through difficult times with your partner? Learn to foster open communication, responsiveness, and empathy with The Love of Attraction couple's counselling sessions. Work alongside registered psychotherapist Kathleen Maiman to reintroduce compassion into your relationship. 

Find out more about the couples therapy and counselling services offered by clicking here. Feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions.